The Self-Disclosed FETISH FORUM of the S.S.I.
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Submitted on January 11th of 2017.
This happened last summer.
I went to the matinee around 1 in the afternoon because I figured it would be less crowded. It’s one of those huge movie theatres with 24 theatres. I bought a ticket then got some popcorn and a soda and some napkins and sat in the lobby for a while. I saw three really cute teen girls come in. They all had really short shorts showing off their long slender legs, tight tee shirts and flip-flops. After they got their snacks and drinks I followed them to see what movie they were going to. I waited a few minutes and then went into that theatre. There weren’t many people and everyone was sitting down in the front or in the middle. I looked up in the back and couldn’t believe it. Those three girls were in the back section on the right maybe 5 or six rows down. I went to the other side and went up to their row and went in a few seats which put me about 6 seats away from them. After the movie started I pulled a little bit of my penis out of my shorts so that the head was exposed and sticking up against my stomach. The girls weren’t paying any attention so I started making a few movements to grab their attention. They still were ignoring me so I moved over a couple of seats.
This got their attention and I noticed them looking over at me. Finally the girl nearest me noticed my penis because I heard her lean over and whisper to the other girls then I saw them leaning over to look at me. Of course being dark they really couldn’t see except when the light from the movie got brighter for a few seconds. Slowly I pulled my shorts down a little at a time revealing more and more of my erection until after a while I just pulled my shorts down so that my entire penis and testicles were exposed. I heard muffled gasps, snorts and giggles. Then one girl got up and walked to the row behind us and walked right behind me then back down to the front of the theatre and up the other side back to her seat. There was more whispering and giggles. Then another girl did the same thing until all three had walked behind me and back around to their seats. Then all three girls got up and went to the row behind me and sat a couple of seats down to my left.
I was now convinced that they wanted a show. I started to slowly just slip my foreskin up and down the shaft. I stretched my testicles up and out in front of me and rolled them around, one in each hand, so they could see how swollen and full they were. I contracted my kegel muscles so that my penis bobbed back and forth. I heard the girls quietly giggling and luckily they weren’t laughing too loud as to attract attention. I guess they didn’t want anyone to come back either. I figured I’d go for it so I scooched down in the seat with my legs spread wide so that my penis was sticking straight up in the air, the glans curved back and pointed right at my face. I began to fully work my foreskin all the way up over my head then back down my shaft causing my testicles to start slapping up and down. I had to be careful not to make too much noise so I grabbed my balls with my left hand and squeezed and pulled on them while continuing to stroke my erection up and down with my right.
Finally my testicles released their two week pent up load of sperm and I ejaculated all over my face and chest. It’s a good thing they weren’t sitting directly behind me because I think some semen actually squirted over my head. I used the napkins I had in my pocket to wipe all the semen off my face and blotted the globs off my shirt. Then I pulled up my shorts and quickly got up and left.
Submitted on November 26th of 2016.
I wake up feeling low and re-read all Mistress Kai’s messages. That’s what loser fuck pig does when She’s not talking directly to me. . Every single word She writes is genius. Like a lost addicted pig I feel like a worthless piece of shit – and now being broke – I am truly worthless to Her.
Time to leave the house. Life must go on.
Oh shit – what’s that. A flat tire. And a parking ticket. Need to fix that tire to get to work tomorrow.
No choice but to take some items to the pawn shop that I really really didn’t want to/couldn’t take the first time. Round two.
As I stood in the queue, the man in front of me who had pushed in, was a foul human being, excuse me for judging. He was rude, he looked like the biggest loser geek in the world, he stank, and he wasn’t homeless I don’t think but clearly had no self respect in terms of what he wore, how he looked, his personal hygiene.
Being in such company, having been really backed into a corner on this second Pawn shop trip – started to bring me down hard. Is this the company I keep now? Is this disgusting man what I am destined to become? What I already am?
Part of my sick perverted brain imagined that this was the kind of man Mistress Kai would in the future have me approach after he left the pawn shop, to offer him $50 to let me smell his nuts or ass as I jerked off. Or even suck that god awful thing that would have been between his legs. Maybe pay him to go into a public toilet and remove his boxer shorts and sell me those to sniff whilst jerking off for Mistress Kai. Whatever – point being it concerned me that part of me was even thinking down such roads. At this low level of self esteem – I am starting to see horizons I could never have seen. Moving on…
Behind the counter was the same beautiful woman as last time. I’d flirted a little previously and asked about her accent – Romanian. So hot. She was a young sexy woman. Last pawn trip for Mistress Kai I was a bit low, but also excited to be pleasing Mistress, and not yet feeling loser enough to not be able to look the Romanian pawn shop worker in the eye.
This time, I felt a little lower. Time to sell I guess. The same Romanian beauty behind the counter wanted to know how/if the piece of equipment I bought in worked – so I expertly showed her, as it was music technology based. I told her I used it for gigs, and this was how. For some reason that made her feel really sorry for me – like I was having to sell my prize possession – given that most of the musical gear in the pawn shop was from people who gave up playing guitar, not people who actually knew what they were doing and were reluctantly parting with it. A look of extreme pity came over her – and suddenly this beautiful woman who I’d initially had equal'ish footing with, was treating me like a desperate puppy who’d just come in from the rain. She tried to figure out ways I could not sell the piece of gear – not as a business move on her part – just because she felt sorry for me. She told me the shop do loans – and got out a sheet of paper about that – at which point I was saying, ‘no seriously its fine, its just a hard week’ but she proceeded with a kind of “It’s okay loser, I know you need this loan, you can admit to me things have gone wrong for you and you’re just completely hopelessly broke, clearly you’re desperate to be selling this important piece of gear”, and she pretty much pushed the admin onto me like she was doing her good deed for the day. Perhaps it wasn’t just that moment that was crushing me, but after the last few days, and after starting to question whether I was as bad as the stinking freak in front of me – I felt pretty low and very emotional. Tears were close. I felt humiliated. In a new, very real way. A day to day way, not a fantasy fetish way. Perhaps because I consider myself – despite the mounting evidence - to be educated, well off, charismatic. And yet here I was being treated like a pawn shop loser. Why? … cause, er … I was one?
I’m new to humiliation, so I took it harder than some would.
I knew I needed to get off the street so I took the next side street and sat in a doorway to process that. I thought about Mistress Kai and hoped at least she’d be happy I was suffering.
Next thing I know, a woman tries to enter the doorway I’m sat in, so I get out her way. Even though I am very well spoken and regular looking or so I thought - perhaps because of my crestfallen face and posture or where I was sitting – she starts speaking to me like I’m a fucking child. “I work for a charity for people with mental health issues” she’s telling me. ‘Why the fuck do I care’ I’m thinking, clearly still holding onto some bastion of self respect. Her tone continues, as she offers me a cup of tea – which I say yes to (?) – and then she brings back a tray of sweets. Multi colored sweets like you’d see in a children’s book. What the fuck am I – 8 years old? I thought to myself, fuck – this woman thinks I’m homeless. Possibly mentally ill, but certainly homeless. In between accepting the cup of tea and her going to get it, Mistress Kai gets in touch and beats the shit out of me on KIK for having such a useless nothing-to-give bank balance. (I sent her a screen shot. I am not a pig who says he has nothing but really is factoring in his bills. My version of nothing – is the true meaning of the word). What the fuck use to Her am I as an ATM with that balance? She rightly puts me in my place, having no idea at the time that I am actually 5 times more in debt than the screen shot I sent her. (That is just one of my accounts with that bank, with whom I have a credit card too. I just couldn’t fit the other accounts on the same screen shot.) I didn’t have time to explain this to Her cause this woman has now reappeared with my cup of tea, and continues to talk to me like I’m mentally deficient and my life has gone down the drain. And then she proves my theories correct and asks me outright – “are you homeless?”. I knew that fucking question was coming. And the crazy thing is – I knew it was coming cause I couldn’t deny that there was an air of lost pitiful crest fallen loser about me. That actually isn’t what I think of homeless people at all – but clearly its what she thinks of them. Or me. At this point part of my brain is thinking – fucking hell – this is humiliating not just because the question is being asked. If I had felt on top of the world I would have laughed. It’s humiliating because I felt like the beaten up pitiful dirty stinking humiliated wretch she took me to be. I was in that moment the mentally challenged homeless person she mistook me for.
Now again, let me say, I have nothing against the mentally challenged (her words) or homeless people, but I no more want to be mistaken for that than a large woman who gets asked if she’s pregnant. She has nothing against pregnant women but is still offended. You get the idea.
So, I eventually leave my doorway and walk through the shopping mall feeling pretty raw. I have walked through that shopping mall a hundred times head held high.
On this occasion, every poster of a beautiful woman in a shop window seemed to be looking at me like I was a total worthless loser. They seemed to be so so so so far above me. Untouchable. I felt so unworthy of their beauty and femininity. And more concerning – was part of me that started to become aroused by that. I could see a future for myself getting older and uglier and starting to feel less and less desirable to young attractive women, till I was one of those dirty old men paying everything I had to wroth at their feet like a disgusting maggot – old cock twitching with the lust of shame and degradation. More concerning still – isn’t that what I already am to Mistress Kai?